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Monday, June 30, 2003
(If you're still accessing this blog via the 06_01 archive URL, update to 07_01 for the latest. Or use the main page URL.)


It's honesty time. For almost two months, my "love life" has been on 'life support' and it's about time to make that hard decision: Do I pull the plug and simply allow it to die the peaceful death it so richly deserves, or do I continue to hold out for some sort of miracle in which it spontaneously comes out of the coma its been in?

I'm not sure what to do, but I am firmly convinced that women want one thing and one thing only...

Three letters: S. E. X.

Not that I'm complaining when it's happening, mind you, but afterwards I feel so dirty and used.

I am so much more than just the piece of meat between my legs.

I am not a penis!

I am a human being!

And women have been known to say that men only want sex. This is what they call "subterfuge", boys and girls. In my opinion, not only do women just want sex, but also they can get a lot more of it because, let's face it, when you're a horny chick it's much easier to find a willing partner than it is if you're a man in a similar situation. But this fact is rarely spoken of because, unlike with guys, the girls don't brag to all their friends afterward. Or, if they do, those girlfriends know how to keep their mouths shut.

As an aside, god forbid if the dreaded R-word should ever pass a man's lips. For those who don't know, that word is "relationship". At this point, I feel I must profusely apologize to all the women readers for my use of such offensive language. I'm really really sorry. Please don't judge me.

I remember one woman I was seeing who once commented that it was men - yes, men! - who only wanted sex.

That poor deluded bitch.

To show her just how wrong she was, I informed her that - from that moment on - her and I would not be having sex again. Ever.

We could still get nekkid, still sleep in the same bed, and I'd still be as affectionate as ever in both private and public. But no more horizontal mambo.

I would no longer be the dancing fool.

So that relationship lasted about two more weeks before she broke up with me.

Why did she do that? Because she just wanted to get laid, which she did shortly thereafter.

But not with me, dammit. I stuck to my guns! So to speak. But let's leave my sticky gun out of this, shall we?

On a related note, I've begun to realize lately that women hardly ever say what they really mean.

And by "hardly ever" I mean "never".

They say they have a boyfriend when they don't, or they say they don't when, in fact, they do.

They flirt with guys and - us being guys and, therefore, stupid by definition - we take it as a personal validation of our manliness. But it isn't. That's just the way girls express themselves.

Of course, guys express themselves by then grabbing the flirty girl's ass - so whomever said guys have a problem expressing emotion was obviously an idiot.

In the weeks since my "love life" was hooked up to a machine to keep it breathing, I find that more than one woman I once dated has called when her life has gone to hell. I've somehow become the boy they call when they need to vent or want a shoulder to cry on. It's all about depression and tears when they make that call.

Yes, somewhere along the line I've become the "designated gay male friend" and, hell, I'm NOT EVEN GAY.

So how the hell did I get myself into this situation? As one girl put it, "Pete, you're a bad boy with a surprisingly sensitive side."

Please, God, kill me now.

I suppose these former flames appreciate that, and my mad listening skills, because, as one of them recently said to me, "I hope you know I'd do anything for you, Pete."

When she said that, my first thought, of course, was, "Great, then how about coming right over and sucking my dick?"

But I didn't say it out loud. I only thought it. I may be a bad boy but, hell, I'm sensitive.

Have I mentioned the part about wanting God to strike me dead yet?

Love, at least in my experience, is not so much Kismet as it is Snake Eyes. Sorry for getting a bit allegorical there with the games, but I wanted to put it in a way the female readers would understand. Women understand games and, by gosh, they should, being as good at them as they are.

Is it too much to expect a woman to be honest and open?

For those women now reading who don't happen to have a dictionary nearby, and are therefore having difficulty comprehending that last sentence...

Honest (adj.) honorable; truthful; trustworthy.

Open (adj.) not hidden or secret; candid; direct.

Ironically, at this point, if a woman were to walk up to me and state point-blank, "I'm attracted to you. I'd like to date you in the hopes a deep and meaningful romantic relationship might develop"; I'd be asking myself, "What do you suppose she meant by THAT?!?"

I've never much enjoyed puzzles. So I guess I'm pretty much fucked at this point. Or not, as the case may be.

Please, don't get me wrong: I'm not misogynistic. I don't hate women. I'm just none too thrilled with the gender at this particular moment.

Heck, maybe I've completely misread the situation. Perhaps women just want the same thing men do at the end of the day: Somebody special to hold onto during that long night.

No, that can't be it. They just wanna get laid.

Perhaps rap pioneers Salt 'N Pepa said it best, when those fly girls sang...

"Let's talk about sex, baby (sing it)
Let's talk about you and me (sing it, sing it)
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sex (come on)
Let's talk about sex (do it)
Let's talk about sex (uh-huh)
Let's talk about sex"


(If any female readers want to email me a rebuttal, for posting on this blog, please do. 'The World...' reserves the right to edit for brevity. So, if any of you broads have the balls, then by all means do so. Any blog-published rebuttals become the property of 'The World...')


Courtney, @ http://courtney.blog-city.com/ , was the one woman NOT having sex and, therefore, had time to respond. Thanks, grrlfriend! But if you'd like a little advice, I'd say: Quit the blogging... and get to dawging!

She wrote: ''Loved this entry! One thing doesn't make sense though. If all women only want sex, then why is it so easy for women to find a willing partner? As you said:

"In my opinion, not only do women just want sex, but also they can get a lot more of it because, let's face it, when you're a horny chick it's much easier to find a willing partner than it is if you're a man in a similar situation."

It seems that the superfluous "supply" [men ready to have sex] does not reflect a high "demand" [women looking for sex]. In fact, the opposite seems true. The high numbers of men ready to have sex suggests that there aren't enough women willing to have sex with them, thereby satisfying that demand.''


1. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the female population slightly outnumbers that of men overall, although the number of males is growing at a faster pace and, in fact, men slightly outnumber women in the 30-years old and under group (i.e., the "yes, we're Still Having Sex group.") While I don't have the numbers for the world in front of me - hey, I'm American, so what do I care about the rest of the world, right? - historically more males survive childhood than do women. Take that for what it's worth.

2. While all women only want, and get, sex, the same may not hold true for men. Don't get me wrong... all men want it. But not all of them get it. It appears only a "select pool" of men are "sex worthy" and the rest are shit out of luck.

3. I never stated emphatically that women only wanted heterosexual sex. Perhaps lesbianism is far more rampant than anybody suspects. And, quite frankly, with some of the men out there, who can blame 'em?

posted by Pete 12:07 AM
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