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Thursday, April 10, 2003
[ WEIRD TALES O' WAR ]

War can be hell. Here are a few reasons why...

= Osama Yadda Yadda =

Well, it appears as if Osama "What, Me Worry?" bin Laden decided to pipe in again.

A recording of his purported voice, received and translated by the Associated Press on 4/7/03, blathered on and on, "America has attacked Iraq and soon will also attack Iran, Saudi Arabia, Egypt and Sudan. You should be aware the kafirs cannot bear the existence of Muslims and want to capture their resources and destroy them... ...America is a cowardly country. If you start suicide attacks, you will see the fear of Americans all over the world... ...I am proud of those martyrs who sacrificed their lives for the sake of Islam..."

Even if this was actually Osama "Hey, Remember Me?" bin Laden, and not an impersonator or just another choice cut from the posthumously released 'Best of Osama' CD boxed set, it's still the same tired old spiel...

"Kafirs this, martyrs that", blah blah blah.

Jesus Mohammed and Buddha, Osama!

Either take a shit or get off the pot already.
-

= One More Reason Why Pat Buchanan Is An Idiot =

On March 6th, 2003, Pat Buchanan interviewed syndicated radio show host (and newest MSNBC addition) Michael Savage.

Part of their exchange, on the war issue, was as follows...

SAVAGE: "I still feel we have to follow the rule of law or else we'll descend into the rule of the jungle. And that's what worries me, is that we're facing an enemy that we have faced before. Many people think that we have not faced this kind of fanaticism before. The kamikaze pilots were one. We have faced this kind of fanaticism before.

The Japanese in World War II tortured our men on the Bataan Death March. They conducted live human experiments. We've covered this in great detail. Do we want to become like them? I don't think so."

BUCHANAN: "I agree with you on the death march, but kamikaze were legitimate wartime tactics. Frankly, they were going at the ships, giving their lives. They were soldiers and they were airmen who were doing something honorable, going to their death. But torturers are different, I agree."

Yup, those honorable kamikazes and their legitimate wartime tactics.

So, I guess Iraqi suicide bombers are acceptable too - as long as the bomber is IN the Iraqi military and only targets the Allied forces' military vehicles, and not the soldiers standing around said vehicles, specifically.

Gee, Pat, thanks for clearing that up!

Here's a funny joke: Q. What's the difference between Japanese Kamikazes and Iraqi Suicide Bombers? A. About 60 years... "Ha, ha!"

If WWII was held today, kamikaze pilots would be dubbed "terrorists" and Japan would probably be called a "rogue nation" for having them. I guess a half-century or so makes all the difference in the world. It was a simpler time back then.

On Tuesday (4/8), U.S. lawmakers called for international tribunals to prosecute Iraqis who commit war crimes, including anyone who directed suicide car bombings that have killed U.S. soldiers.

"We expect the regime and the leaders in Baghdad to understand that, down to the very soldier and officer level, that we will hold them accountable," Rep. Curt Weldon, R-Pennsylvania, said Tuesday.

Buchanan had better do some serious 'splaining to the lawmakers, before this tribunal thing gets out of hand.

I'd hate to see anyone who directed Iraq's modern-day "kamikazes" to be prosecuted for encouraging "honorable and legitimate wartime tactics."
-

= Living in Baghdad =

Rumor has it that Baghdad, Iraq, is THE place to live nowadays.

The gas is cheap and plentiful.

Traffic jams on the streets and highways are not a problem.

Housing is dirt-cheap. Where the houses still stand, I mean.

The only real drawback? I understand it can get very very hot at night.
-

= The Shield: Iraq =

At an April 3 news conference, U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said the regime of Saddam was "running out of real soldiers" and was increasingly relying on fighters and death squads who posed as civilians and use civilians as shields.

Of course, the original plan was to use lower ranking military personnel as shields, but Saddam, being the strategic military genius that he is, said, "Nah, that probably won't work."

He then had his bodyguard shoot and kill the idiot advisor who made that original suggestion.

Saddam then added, "Use the civilians as shields instead. I was just going to kill them myself later anyway, so no big whoop," before asking his remaining advisors, "so, any more brilliant suggestions?"
-

= Next on CNN... More War! =

The other day, I was watching CNN. The top story?

War in Iraq.

What was broadcast at the bottom of the hour?

War in Iraq.

What did I see in between?

War in Iraq.

At one point, the anchorperson said, "Up next, some other world news that nobody much cares about."

Cue up the short break for commercials.

I had to use the restroom. Or, in military parlance, "the head". (See, I have learned something by excessively watching CNN's "War in Iraq ": Cool military lingo!) I thought if I hurried, I wouldn't miss much of the other world news. After all, the commercials would probably run for two or three minutes.

I was back in front of the TV in just under FOUR minutes, only to hear the anchorperson say, "Well, that about covers the rest of the world. And now, back to the 'War in Iraq'!"

Hoo-yah!
-

= Friends & Countrymen, Lend Me Your Ear =

From The Associated Press (4/8): "Iraqis showed journalists a white stone jail where they claim Saddam Hussein's secret police for decades tortured inmates with beatings, mutilations, electric shocks and chemical baths."

Additionally, on Sunday, I saw an exiled Iraqi on the news - on either FoxNews or MSNBC, it's all a blur as far as cable news coverage goes at this point - talking about a favored torture method used by Hussein's goons:

Cutting off people's ears.

Apparently, more than one Iraqi is currently earless and, the exile suggested, after the war is over the United States should show all of them what a benevolent and compassionate country it truly is -- by giving all the earless Iraqis free reconstructive plastic surgery.

America: the land of baseball, mom, apple pie... and a lot of people with two good ears.

Maybe the Allied forces should just try to find all those missing ears.

I bet they'd be easier to find than the supposed alleged secret cache of biological and chemical weapons.

"We didn't find those weapons but, hey, we uncovered a whole shitload of ears!"


posted by Pete 10:14 PM
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