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Saturday, March 29, 2003
NOTE: If you're logging on via the 03_01 archive URL, be sure to check out the latest posts via 04_01 archive or main page URL...

[ EMINEM: A Translation (for White People) ]

When "Lose Yourself" (from the film '8 Mile') won the 2003 Academy Award in the "Music (Song)" category, many people might've been asking themselves, "Who is that award-winning fresh faced talent that raps so well?"

He was born Marshall Bruce Mathers. But he's since thrown off the shackles of his "slave name", and now goes by Eminem.

This bright-faced youngster Eminem has little in common with the sweet treat his moniker resembles, save for the fact both are candy-coated on the outside yet darkly chocolate on the inside.

To further facilitate greater understanding between the races, we here at "The Institute of Racial Harmony and Understanding" have been hard at work translating Eminem's lyrics for white people who might otherwise be confused by his sometimes highly literate, yet paradoxically streetwise allegoric, words.

Our staff of highly paid, well-trained, white men over fifty years of age has only begun to "crack the Shady Code" so to speak. But, now, we bring you what has been translated thus far.

We hope it helps older white folk understand, and truly appreciate, the genius that is Eminem.

We begin with some choice cuts from... 'The Marshall Mathers LP':

[ From (the song) "Marshall Mathers" ]

EMINEM: "Plus I was put here to put fear in faggots who spray Faygo root beer / And call them selves clowns cause they look queer / Faggots who don't but silent gay / Claimin' Detroit, when y'all live twenty miles away / And I don't wrestle I'll knock you fuckin' faggots the fuck out / Ask them about the club they was at when they snuck out / After they ducked out the back when they saw us and bugged out / Ducked down and got paintball shot at they truck, plow"

TRANSLATION: While I have nothing against homosexuals personally, I don't approve of their lifestyle / Heck, some of my closest friends are gay / As long as they don't force themselves on me, everything will be ok / If you're gay and you make a sexual advance toward me, I won't appreciate it. / I might even get upset with you

[ From "Kim" ]

EMINEM: "Quit crying bitch, why do you always make me shout at you? / How could you? / Just leave me and love him out the blue / Oh, what's a matter Kim? / Am I too loud for you? / Too bad bitch, your gonna finally hear me out this time..."

TRANSLATION: My wife, Kim, had an extramarital affair / I'm kind of mad at her right now / Doesn't she know I'm a sensitive human being who just wants to be loved? / I really need to talk right now

EMINEM: "...Get the fuck away from me, don't touch me / I HATE YOU! / I HATE YOU! / I SWEAR TO GOD I HATE YOU / OH MY GOD I LOVE YOU / How the fuck could you do this to me? (Sorry!) / How the fuck could you do this to me?"


[ From "The Way I Am" ]

EMINEM: "The most meanest emcee on this - on this earth / Cause since birth I've been cursed with this curse to just cursed / And just blurt this bezerk and bizarre shit that works / And it sells and it helps in its self / To relieve all this tension dispensing me"

TRANSLATION: I am a rap "artiste" / Sometimes my mouth gets me into trouble / Ironically, it has also made me a lot of money / Go figure

EMINEM: "don't know you and no I don't owe you a motherfuckin thing / I'm not Mr. NSYNC and I'm not what your friends think / I'm not Mr. Friendly / I can be a prick, if you tip me my tank is on empty"

TRANSLATION: I might be a sensitive artist, but I'm still human. / Like you, I, too, have my bad days.

Next, we move on to the latest CD, "The Eminem Show"...

[ From "Cleaning Out My Closet" ]

EMINEM: "Have you ever been hated, or discriminated against? / I have, I've been protested and demostrated against / Picket signs for my wickid rhymes, look at the times / Sick as the mind of the mother fucking kid that's behind..."

TRANSLATION: Sometimes, I am misunderstood / Certain people just plain don't like me / It really hurts my feelings / Please understand, I am but a product of the times I live in / It is not my fault

EMINEM: "I'ma expose it, I'll take you back to '73 / Before I ever had a multi-platinum selling CD / I was a baby maybe I was just a couple of months / My faggot father must've had his panties up in a bunch / 'Cause he split, I wonder if he even kissed me goodbye / No I don't, on second thought I just fucking wished he would die"

TRANSLATION: My father didn't live up to his parental responsibilities / He abandoned the family when I was quite young / I'm a little bitter about it

[ From "Drips" ]

EMINEM: "That's why I ain't got no time / For these games and stupid tricks / All these bitches on my dick / That's how dudes be getting sick / That's how dicks' be getting drips / Falling victim's to this shit / From these bitches on our dicks / Fucking chickens with no ribs / That's why I aint got no time"

TRANSLATION: I had unsafe sex / This can lead to a whole host of health problems, including sexually transmitted diseases / So, please practice safe sex / No love without the glove, kids

EMINEM: "Now I don't wanna hit no women when this chicks got it coming / Someone better get this bitch before she gets kicked in the stomach / And she's pregnant, but she's egging me on, begging me to throw her / Off the steps on this porch, my only weapon is force / And I don't wanna resort to violence of any sort / But why's she shoving me for? Doesn't she love me no more?"

TRANSLATION: It is socially unacceptable for a man to hit a woman / If you, yourself, are in an abusive relationship, please seek help / Sometimes I get a tad upset with the women in my life / When that happens, I take a "time out" until I've calmed down

[ From "Superman" ]

EMINEM: "Don't get me wrong / I love these hoes / It's no secret / Everybody knows / Can't we fuck? /Bitch so what?"

TRANSLATION: I have the utmost respect for all women / I enjoy making love with a woman / I'm most satisfied when I know I've satisfied HER sexually

EMINEM: "Girl you just blew your chance / Don't mean to ruin your plans / But I do know one thing though / Bitches they come they go / Saturday through Sunday Monday / Monday through Sunday yo / Maybe I'll love you one day / Maybe we'll someday grow / 'Till then just sit your drunk ass on that fuckin runway hoe..."

TRANSLATION: I have 'commitment issues' / I am seeing a therapist to work out these problems / I hope you will wait for me because, deep down inside, I really love and care about you

[ From "Til I Collapse" ]

EMINEM: "For shizzle my whizzle this is the plot listen up you pizzles forgot slizzle does not give a fuck."


Actually, we are still trying to decipher this lyrical line. We think, when Eminem says "slizzle" he might be referring to himself. But we don't yet have a clue as to why the "pizzles" might want to "shizzle" his "whizzle".

So, after relaxing with a few martinis and listening to Yanni on the Institute stereo-system, we'll try tackling that one again.

To recap the translation project thus far, we have found that Eminem is certainly a so-called "Nigga with Attitude" but, mostly, we think he is just misunderstood by some white folks who simply don't take the time to truly listen.

We hope our translations, thus far, will help to facilitate better understanding when listening to Eminem's oeuvre.

We will bring you more translations in the future and, in conclusion, thank you for harmoniously understanding our mission.

"Eminem Translation" Project Staff


(The preceding was first e-published on blogcritics.org, a site of pop culture & politicorporate news & reviews. See link to that site at left of screen.)

posted by Pete 9:22 AM
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