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Saturday, March 15, 2003

House Administration Committee Chairman Bob Ney (R-Ohio) and Rep. Walter Jones (R-N.C.) called a news conference on Wednesday, March 12, to announce the deletion of the word "French" and the substitution of the word "Freedom" alongside fries and toast on the menus of House restaurants.

This latest government action closely followed the same substitution occurring in a small, but growing, number of privately owned restaurants around the U.S.

Never mind that the French can't take responsibility for inventing the fry. That honor goes to the Belgians.

Or that "French toast" was named after its inventor, Joseph French of Albany NY (that's the one in the good ole US of A; not the similarly named Albanyny in France.) Unfortunately, French's working knowledge of English was questionable at best, so when he decided to name the dish after himself he should have written his creation as "French's toast" (i.e., the toast of French). However, because he didn't know how to use the possessive apostrophe, it became known simply as "French toast".

And that is how, some 270+ years later, an international culinary incident is born.

It's also a fine example of what makes America so great:

The attitude of, "We're right, we know we're right, and the facts be damned!"

But that's not all. Now, restaurateurs are pouring French wine and champagne down the toilet, to express their anger at France's lack of support for the US position on Iraq. Hey, they tasted terrible anyway, right? Instead, vintages from California, Oregon and Australia are being served.

Yup, no two words are more romantic at an intimate dinner than, "Australian Wine."

But, I guess in time of war, we all have to make sacrifices.

Just more examples of the American credo: "Style Over Substance."

And of the knee-jerk reactionary mindset many of its citizens hold.

However, if we Americans really wanted to show those French weenies, we'd go after a more profound symbol than potatoes, bread and wine.

Yes, I'm talking about dismantling the Statue of Liberty.

America probably could not have won its freedom from the British during the American Revolution without the help of the French. France provided arms, ships, money, and men to the American colonies.

But almost a century later, people were asking, "What have the French done for us LATELY?"

Enter the Statue of Liberty.

The genesis of "Lady Liberty" came at a dinner party in France hosted by Edouard Rene Lefebvre de Laboulaye, a scholar and jurist, shortly after the end of the US Civil War.

Attending that evening was sculptor Frédéric-Auguste Bartholdi

After quite a few bottles of fine French wine, Laboulaye noted there was "a genuine flow of sympathy" between France and America, and called the nations "the two sisters."

Typical drunk talk, in other words, from a typically pretentious Frenchman.

As he continued speaking, reflecting on the centennial of American independence only 11 years in the future, Laboulaye commented, "Wouldn't it be wonderful if people in France gave the United States a great monument as a lasting memorial to independence and thereby showed that the French government was also dedicated to the idea of human liberty?"

Bartholdi replied, "I will try to glorify the Republic and Liberty over there, in the hope that someday I will find it again here."

After visiting the U.S., the idea of the Statue of Liberty came to fruition.

And now, just over a century later, we Americans are again asking, "What have the French done for us LATELY?"

Not much, apparently.

So to hell with their fries, their toast, and their overpriced wine!

And to hell with that lousy statue they foisted on us over a century ago!

I say, "Tear it down and ship it back!" to those pathetic 'surrender monkeys'. Return it C.O.D. to boot, just to show 'em who's in charge.

Or, we could simplify things: Just remove any security around the Statue. Maybe some forward-thinking foreign malcontent-types will see an opening, and blow the damn thing up in an act of terrorism.

Sadly, in the present climate, they wouldn't even be considered "Terrorists".

In the eyes of the American people, they'd be "Heroes".

For sticking it to those no-good French.

posted by Pete 8:27 AM
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