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Monday, January 06, 2003
As the saying goes, "the hand that bites gets fed."

As a reminder, since there is a voluminous amount of material online and never enough time to read it all (thus, some people only "scan" it, including this blog) we now provide an "Attention Challenged Reader's Version" of each week's entry. Just scroll to the end for that version of the following piece.

Now, just so nobody freaks out here, remember: In the weblog ("blog") world, some are serious. Some are humorous. And some are unintentionally funny. It is this last group that inspired...

[DECONSTRUCTING THE BLOG ]

'GENERIC BLOG' - WEEK OF DEC. 31 '02 to JAN. 6 '03

TUESDAY

Today I was feeling a little down, so I ate. Watched some bad television, ate again. Soon, I was a bit sleepy, so I napped. Got up at 6pm. Had a big meal.

I felt like getting out of the house this evening, so I went to visit my friend, Kaj. He got back from India a few weeks ago (see 11/19 entry, in archives, for more on that trip.) Kaj was pretty upset when I got there. It seems some guy insulted him, and they almost came to blows. "I'm a man's man," he told me, "so I can give it and take it. You better believe it, brother!" He feigned a few jabs, did a little jig.

To calm himself, Kaj played 'Solitaire' on the computer for a while. While watching, I told him I could remember back when the cards were actually made out of heavy paper stock. As he's about ten years younger than me, he didn't believe this.

WEDNESDAY

Not doing so well. I haven't heard from my girlfriend in days. Actually, I don't have a girlfriend. But I'm obsessed with Rose McGowan (TV's "Charmed"), whom I think of as my "girlfriend". We talk every week. Truth be told, she does most of the talking. Every Sunday night, through my TV. But she's talking to *me*!!!

Recently, I read in the 'National Enquirer' that she's dating another guy. I wonder what I did wrong. This time. Maybe I'll write her another letter, and try to smooth things over. She hasn't answered any of the other ones I sent, but I think three hundred and seventy six will turn out to be my lucky number and she'll answer this time. Perhaps I should include a small gift. Like a white rose. Or a dead rat.

If she doesn't answer, I just might have to go out to Los Angeles and visit. If you know Rose, please don't tell her I'm coming - because, if she *is* mad at me, and finds out I'm coming, well... things could get ugly. Somebody could get hurt.

THURSDAY

I went to see "Lord of the Rings - The Two Towers". It rocked more than "The Matrix". But what's the deal with Sam and Frodo? I thought I detected some kind of gay subtext going on there, but then I thought - can hobbits be homosexual? I mean, I *know* the elves are gay, but hobbits?

FRIDAY

Early this morning, my dog died. But I'm o.k. with that, I hated that mutt anyway. He was so lazy; he'd lie on the floor and piss all over himself. Couldn't be bothered to use the doggie door, I suppose. So, good riddance.

SATURDAY

Stayed home today. I played "Lara Croft, Tomb Raider" on my Playstation until 2pm. Then I went downstairs to get the mail. Came back into the apartment; masturbated. Read the new issue of 'Entertainment Weekly' that came in the mail. It was, like, cool. I read the whole thing. I don't know that I've ever read a magazine cover to cover. Then, I played more "Tomb Raider" while simultaneously masturbating.

SUNDAY

Early this morning, my grandmother died. She had been in a full-care nursing home for the last few years. But I'm o.k. with that, I hated that old lady anyway. She was so incapacitated; she'd lie in bed and piss all over herself. So, good riddance.

Well, I've got to cut today's blog short. It's 7pm. I hear Rose calling me. Oh, in case I forgot to mention it, Rose is my girlfriend.

MONDAY

Sometimes I think I don't have much of a life. I mean, I *do* do things -- eat, sleep, go see sci-fi and fantasy films, play video games, obsess over Rose McGowan, masturbate -- but, somehow, I feel like something is missing.

But then I reread my blog, and it reminds me of the minutiae of my life - and that I do, in fact, have one.

And by reading 'Generic Blog', you help validate my existence. So thank you for getting blogged repeatedly.


ATTENTION CHALLENGED READER'S VERSION: Didn't do much worth noting today. Wrote about it anyway. I am a "blogger".

========================================================

Thus ends my attempt to write a blog generic enough that it could be one of thousands already available. In fact, if you publish a blog and can't think of something to write about this week, feel free to cut and paste 'Generic Blog' onto your blog.


However, now that you've read it, please keep pp. 32 of 'The Wisdom of Pete' in mind: "In life, question everything. Accept nothing at face value." Which, of course, applies to the events in 'Generic Blog'.

- Pete

NEXT TUESDAY: "How to Make America Great Again" - Pete's Simple Plan


posted by Pete 11:11 PM
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